To act or not to act!!

I keep thinking about this on and off. Do we truly realise the consequences of our actions? We may see and foresee the short term effects, but most of us (maybe none of us) are able to understand the gravity of it all.

We do and say things without giving it as much a thought as to how it will change things. Change things for ourselves, for others directly and many others indirectly. When you change one thing for yourself, it changes your behaviour towards another person which in turn changes things for someone else that other person deals with and so on.... It's a bloody exponential effect!!

I'm not saying that the "do good and be good" policy is the best way to go about anything because, really, that don't work in life. You can't be "good" to everyone and expect the world to just kneel in front of you or get a red carpet rolled out just for you. The red carpet gets rolled out only to the doors of hell, I tell you.

I'm not sure I can think that far ahead and see how what I do may effect someone else in what way.. I'm not that wise.. If I was, I'd probably be somewhere in the Himalayas deep in meditation or penance. For I have a feeling that when one is enlightened, one would not still want to stay here and live such a life.

I always wonder how it would be if we had a chance to replay what we did and change it. Kind of like a macro or reviewing a document with Tracking. They say change is constant. Imagine what would happen if we had such powers and every change remains in memory. You do not forget what happened the last time before the change... That would lead to frustrate a lot of people...

Ofcourse, I haven't considered the life and death factors in this wild imagination of mine.. too lazy to think up fixes for them bugs..

What then should we or can we do? How the hell should I know!!!! Go figure it out for yourself.. and if you do find the answer, let me know. I'm here and ready poke enough holes in the theory to sink it like a rock.

Greed

What do we get from this one word? More, more and more…….

Its not always materialistic things. No. I strongly disagree. Money, property, bling, attention.... these are not all that we want. We want more than this. We want our lives to mean something. Hell yes!!

But mean what? What is the true meaning of satisfaction? Does that term even mean anything? Of course, it is relative. That much I agree. But does that mean that everything in life is relative? There is no absolute?

We always want something that we don’t have. It’s not need, it’s just want. The insatiable wanting for everything is maddening sometimes. Is there no destination other than death to this want? That cannot be right, can it?

Do we live only to want more, get more and then want some more? Is that all life is? Let’s look at it from my point of view, which simply means cynically.

Let’s take a good honest person. He/ she wants only the best for everyone. Thinks that they have only a few things they need to live on happily. Is fairly satisfied with the way things are. But then, how does this person live on? Only one way. Strive for more.

The struggle for survival is a lie. There is no struggle for survival, only for more. Every human being struggles all their life to get more.

Oh, and for all of those who thought they were good and noble, wake up and smell the coffee. There’s no nobility either. Nobility is just another form of satisfying one’s want to create a perception of goodness. It is the want of being good for “greater purposes”, to try to attain the satisfaction of being a good soul. The noblest of them all is so only because of restraint. There is no man, woman or child created that does not feelings that are against the “noble way” of life. On the contrary, they might have them more than the “mere mortals” who are classified under mediocre. Why?

Think about it. The more restraint one exercises over their feelings, the more the feelings fester within. It grows like the tangles of poison ivy, threatening everything within and around with spite in them. If this bulging sack of misery someday happens to explode and come out of the restraints, which is when the noble are tainted. Lucky are those who pass on before this happens.

What, then, is the ugliest face of greed? Love, I say. Love is what moves mountains and love is what inspires irrational behavior at times. There is no more powerful weapon of greed than love. The devil plays us only because of the greed within. Without greed there’d be no devil and without a devil there’d be no god. Everything comes in pairs.

What do we do about the greed? Nothing. What can you do about your breathing? It’s important to live, no? So live on we shall, with the greed driving us to scale greater heights in life. I can’t think of something that is a counterpart to greed. How can greed have no duality? Or is it that we see duality within the greed and put it under good and bad both? Know not I shall for there is no absolute proof. Faith is all we have. Faith that the greed of goodness will deliver us from evil and unto the heavens.

Pray, that I shall remember that the greed is what helps us live and not let it make me be the cause bringing unto others the bitter gift of misery.

Murphy - Beware......

Ever wondered about Murphy's law? I mean, the mere ideation of the bloody concept itself...

I did. Not that I got anywhere about it, but there are some questions that came up in the process.

Is it possible that there is a law, named after a mortal nonetheless, that is applicable to everything, no matter what?

What the hell was this Murphy fellow doing when he came up/ realized / ideated / conceptualized this?

Did Murphy really exist? Duh!!! How could there be a law if he didn't.....

Did he put this law into material realization just to frustrate fellow humans???

If he came up with something universal, he has to be a genius right? I mean, beyond everyone else... BEYONDER even (if you've seen "Click", you'll know what I'm talking about).

If not, did he have godly powers???

Is there a possibility that he's still alive and around somewhere? In which case I'd like to strangle him just the way Homer strangles Bart.... Why you li'l............

So much for my thoughts on this.... I might have had more if the strangling one had not come up... Totally distracting...

Granted, thou art not

We often take a lot of things for granted. Sometimes conciosuly, sometimes not. Nonetheless, it has an effect on at least one other person.

How does one know when you're taking things for granted?

I don't think there's a definite or scientific way to measure this, but I'm pretty sure that you know you're on the limit when you find no opposition from the other side along with a slight lack of willingness. Of course, this would be the ideal point to stop.

But no. Do we ever recognise this stage? For those of you who do, congratulations. You are wasting a talent. (Presumptous lot that you are ;-)). For those of you who do and have the good sense to stop - bravo. You just saved yourself a whole lot of shit-hitting-the-fan.

But for mere mortals like yours truly, things are not just so simple. It just so happens that 11 times out of 10 (no, I can count alright) I take it beyond design limits. I even manage to push it out of the continegency margin that is always available. I must admit, I have done a fairly large number of times in my lifespan till date. I would be termed as what they call a "repeat offender" if it were ever to be a mapped kind of event.

Why am I writing this?

Because I happened to, once again (surprise surprise), screw up!! And, the best part is that I screwed up over 3 years ago, realised what had gone wrong, tried fixing it last year and still managed to bring the whole damn thing to a point of no return. Well, for now at least.

The funny thing here is that I knew this is how it would end, was braced for it and reached an amicable settlement. That does not mean everything will be bright and flowery from then on, but it's a hope that it'll get there sooner than usual.

Confused? Good. Have more questions per moment than the mind can handle? Very good. At least I got closure. (to whatever extent).

Moral of the story: Even though it might not seem like much now, don't take things for granted. The future, un/fortunately, is riddled with change. Change will affect everything.

Moral of the story for me: Exercise restraint no matter how tempting the opportunity may be. You may have to pay more dearly than you think!!

I will not mourn this loss because I accept it as only a stepping stone to something better.

The Dirty Old Geyser

Have you ever wondered what goes into a Storage Water Heater, or commonly known as a Geyser? I hadn't... until I got to find out first hand recently.

It was only a matter of getting the damn thing to work again and get some hot water like every other day. So a the beginning we knew it could only be one of 2 things. Either the thermostat (the thermometer like device that cuts off power when temperature reaches a set limit) or the heating coil itself would be faulty.

We quickly eliminate the thermostat as the culprit since the circuit was not broken anywhere and both the lights were ON. So then, it had to be the coil. Great!! We now know what's wrong. We also know what needs to be done. Should not be more than a 10 minute job to change the coil.

Or so we thought.....

Maybe this would be a good time to provide some background info on the "geyser". Born about 8 - 9 years ago somewhere in the factory and named under the brand "Arman", this geyser has served us well. It has undergone a few house shifting experiences and about 2 coil changes in this period. Not to mention that it has also had it's belly cleaned once or twice, thanks to the borewell water used in it all it's life.

Now then, we got a coil from the maket. Good. The ratings match and so do the grooves for the bolts to hold it in place. Very Good.

Next step, remove the faulty coil:

All that had to be done was to remove 3 nuts and voila - a shower of 20 L of water and the coil should be out. Only, the latter did not happen. Now there's something else that needs to be known about the coil. The coil, like any other heating rod that is used to heat water, is just one rod going in a "U" to complete the circuit. It just so happens, that the old rod had gone from a U to a V. The rod goes throught a small hole in the cylinder that contains the water and has just enough space to move in or out. With the U to V situation, the rod would just not come out.

What do you do??

You have to bring the damn thing down and open it all up, fit the new rod and put it back again. And pray that you fit it properly so the water does not leak and the geyser does not blow up.

During this exercise (ofcourse, there was a "qualified" electrician working on it too) I found out what the insulating material is made of... Glass Fibres.

Literally, fine fibres of glass put together. It looks just like a lot of cotton is stuffed in... but the damn thing is so sharp. Even a dust particle cuts and it stings for a day or two. I did feel like a bloody used pincushion. LITERALLY!!

I have to say though, I now know what all goes into assembling a geyser and can take one apart and put it back together pretty well.

Well, the 2 hour exercise paid off. The geyser now works just fine. Only, I don't think it can survive another operation.

Next break down.... May it rest in peace!!!

Me, ridiculous

Picture this scene:

A bus journey within the city at times approaching peak hour. The bus is fairly full given that time of the day. I am part of the passengers on that bus. I do not have my music player with me and so the only thing other than falling asleep is to look around. Within the bus and outside.

Now that I have "painted" that picture: I, being the judgemental (this I'm very confident of) and cynical (people who have not spent a great deal of time with me will also agree), happen to observe what the other passengers do when they travel. As do everyone, you'll say! I agree.

But I find that there are more things that disturb me (well, make my face cringe would be a better way to put it, but alas) than those that are appreciable. Now of course, there are those who will say that I make it my job to find fault and pass comments and I must say, they do so with good reason. The point is that I make up jokes in my head, at the cost of the remaining population - it goes without saying.

Sometimes I feel that it's such a waste of time. This may the only part you agree with. Here's why: What's the point of me coming up with such "smart" things if the only one that can appreciate it or say "yeah right, what were you thinking you idiot?" is me?

Why do I not use this time to do some reflection:

Mainly because then I would just be refreshing all the lacunae in me. Well, I already know about them and have decided that these are what make me ME!!

Why do I not read:

In a bus on the local route?? At peak hour?? I don't board an empty bus at the starting point you know!!

And so on an so forth... There are always excuses. Even if I did do any of these things or anything else productive, it would still be me thinking up ridiculous things in my head!!

I just hope that growing up does not mean leaving behind ALL of the immaturity. Cos if that is what it means, it also means that I am not capable of growing up!

Adios, dreams of everyone who want me to grow up. You shall remain dreams indeed.

Faith and I

What is it that keeps you anchored? That keeps the hope within for better things alive? The only answer, to such questions, that I hear ringing from the depths of my innerself is always FAITH.

Or is it that this is all I know? That things will improve and there is only one thing to do and that is to keep trying.

I am a firm believer in the teaching of the Bhagavadgita. At least the portion that I know. Big fan of "Karmanya vaadhikaaraste......" I myself sometimes feel like a boyscout when I think of actually trying to tell someone to just get on with their work and not worry about anything else. So, naturally, I take the easy way out. If you haven't guessed it already, I don't tell people such things. I'm sometimes known to get a bit philosophical (completely unsolicited ofcourse) and am told to shut up.

It is sometimes, OK OK.. most of the time, difficult to stay firm, not waiver. But then again, isn't that what faith is all about? I have seen miracles happen on a daily basis. The details are not something that I will go in to right now (may be 10 years down the line, if memory serves). There is ofcourse the definition of a miracle.

I would define it as an event that you would not have logically thought can happen. There are various scales of miracles obviously, ranging right from the parting of the sea to the change of a mind. But what I have come to realise is that everyone is not able to perceive that one has happened. I have come to the realisation only after a lot of time has elapsed after such events. And believe you me, it has helped me grow. I am ever grateful for all that I have and all that I have experienced, both good and bad.

It has helped me not only grow stronger but also has deepened my faith. In what, you may ask. In god, myself and the fact that there is always purpose to anything that happens. And that the purpose is always the greater good.

I may sound like a Book of Moral Stories but that is how I feel. I have always wanted to help others. But there is this nagging feeling of procrastination or being judgemental or looking at the benefits or sometimes all the above and some more. I do help out wherever possible but when there are moments of spontaneity where there is an opportunity to just get up and help, I find myself just standing / sitting there, looking, knowing that someone else will do it.

Inspite of the various times that I have experienced the sharp pangs of my own conscience asking me "You happy now, jackass?" I seem to be unable to do much about it. Yes, very consciously, I have begun to make amends to this kind of behaviour (I'm sure there's a pretentious name to that also) but I still find myself lacking.

Well, there's always the "Not something I should be bothered about" attitude that instantaneously tries to cheer me up. Hard to keep that at bay I tell you.

Anyway, back to the main topic of my rant, Faith. What kind of world would we live in if everyone had some faith and not questioned every motive or result? Not a very interesting one I guess. Is it just because I'm young and capable of bearing a bit more, mainly because I think there's a lot of time before I kick the bucket or simply have more responsibilities to tend to, I'm able to keep the faith?

Will I be able to do so in maybe 20 years if I am faced with tough times? Will I then, with the "burden" of responsibilities, be able smile at tough situations and say "It's all for the better"? Knowing that in the process there are other people being affected as dearly as dear they are to me?

I can all but say a prayer and hope that the goodness (whatever is left) remains. That I be good and be of some help to those who have none. I wish not to be remembered as a good human but just not to be remembered as bad one.