Faith and I

What is it that keeps you anchored? That keeps the hope within for better things alive? The only answer, to such questions, that I hear ringing from the depths of my innerself is always FAITH.

Or is it that this is all I know? That things will improve and there is only one thing to do and that is to keep trying.

I am a firm believer in the teaching of the Bhagavadgita. At least the portion that I know. Big fan of "Karmanya vaadhikaaraste......" I myself sometimes feel like a boyscout when I think of actually trying to tell someone to just get on with their work and not worry about anything else. So, naturally, I take the easy way out. If you haven't guessed it already, I don't tell people such things. I'm sometimes known to get a bit philosophical (completely unsolicited ofcourse) and am told to shut up.

It is sometimes, OK OK.. most of the time, difficult to stay firm, not waiver. But then again, isn't that what faith is all about? I have seen miracles happen on a daily basis. The details are not something that I will go in to right now (may be 10 years down the line, if memory serves). There is ofcourse the definition of a miracle.

I would define it as an event that you would not have logically thought can happen. There are various scales of miracles obviously, ranging right from the parting of the sea to the change of a mind. But what I have come to realise is that everyone is not able to perceive that one has happened. I have come to the realisation only after a lot of time has elapsed after such events. And believe you me, it has helped me grow. I am ever grateful for all that I have and all that I have experienced, both good and bad.

It has helped me not only grow stronger but also has deepened my faith. In what, you may ask. In god, myself and the fact that there is always purpose to anything that happens. And that the purpose is always the greater good.

I may sound like a Book of Moral Stories but that is how I feel. I have always wanted to help others. But there is this nagging feeling of procrastination or being judgemental or looking at the benefits or sometimes all the above and some more. I do help out wherever possible but when there are moments of spontaneity where there is an opportunity to just get up and help, I find myself just standing / sitting there, looking, knowing that someone else will do it.

Inspite of the various times that I have experienced the sharp pangs of my own conscience asking me "You happy now, jackass?" I seem to be unable to do much about it. Yes, very consciously, I have begun to make amends to this kind of behaviour (I'm sure there's a pretentious name to that also) but I still find myself lacking.

Well, there's always the "Not something I should be bothered about" attitude that instantaneously tries to cheer me up. Hard to keep that at bay I tell you.

Anyway, back to the main topic of my rant, Faith. What kind of world would we live in if everyone had some faith and not questioned every motive or result? Not a very interesting one I guess. Is it just because I'm young and capable of bearing a bit more, mainly because I think there's a lot of time before I kick the bucket or simply have more responsibilities to tend to, I'm able to keep the faith?

Will I be able to do so in maybe 20 years if I am faced with tough times? Will I then, with the "burden" of responsibilities, be able smile at tough situations and say "It's all for the better"? Knowing that in the process there are other people being affected as dearly as dear they are to me?

I can all but say a prayer and hope that the goodness (whatever is left) remains. That I be good and be of some help to those who have none. I wish not to be remembered as a good human but just not to be remembered as bad one.