Sweet Pain

How many things can happen in a rather uneventful day? Many, apparently! Most of the things that go unnoticed by people, but only felt by you because, well, it's happening to you ain't it?

The day started on a positive note. A friend of mine was getting engaged in the morning. Yes, that's right, in the morning. I also thought it was strange, but it seems that all their functions happen in the day. Well I got there ahead of stipulated time and met another friend. By the time we went to the venue thinking there wouldn't be many people, there was quite a noisy humming that you generally hear from a crowd. Turns out the program had not yet started.

After a bit of the usual leg pulling of the bride-to-be, we were forced to have breakfast again by her dad. That pretty much served as punishment alright!! It ended up in us finding and introducing ourselves to the groom-to-be and passing on statutory warnings for the future and leaving even before the ceremony started. (We have to go to work before lunch, at least!!). So we went to the engagement and did not attend the ceremony.

The day at office was pretty much as usual without the bosses in office. Not that it mattered. Spent my time reading something I wanted to catch up on for a while now. Fairly enlightening I must say. It just so happened to be the wedding anniversary of a colleague and as always I ended up getting him to "share" it with the office. Cut fruits for everyone it was!!

Now here's the interesting part. I happen to have developed allergies to a few particular fruits (that I know of till now). These include banana, chickoo and guava for starters!! Oh did I forget mango? Yes, strange as it may be, that's that. So I, all well knowing, ate chickoo and banana (for whatever reason still evades me). I was good for about half an hour. Happy even, that the allergies must've been temporary. But reason be confounded, they struck!! Karma definitely be bitch, I tell you. I'm not going to put anyone on a guilt trip for a while now, not until forget this one. I'll just let Karma slack off ;).

What was better, was that it was time to leave office. In the next 15 mins, I was quite sure that there was someone reaching in and playing with my stomach like children do with wet clay when they try to shape it. That pretty much gave me a sense of what "world of pain" might mean. To add to that, the news of someone having a heart attack was not even eliciting the right response from me (politically, I mean).

Also, did not help that the direct bus I take decided not to stop at the regular bus stop and took me about an hour and half to get home, in pain. Also, the one continuous thought in my head, which I'm not able to stop or remove (don't think I'd want to cos then it'd be completely blank, but still) is causing more pain. Pain, sweet pain!!! I think I'm more aware of my environment when I'm in pain. I tend to observe more things than usual. I defer passing judgement on people and situations by a fair bit with the thought that it might be wrong when I judge in pain. I probably get it wrong anyway, but it make me think a little more than usual.

Just realised, I used to think solitude is the way for me, but now pain seems to be the new Novocaine. I'd like to, really like to, be past the "solitude is my vice" phase, but we'll see. The best part about pain (yes, strange choice of words, I agree) is that I seem to enjoy it and the post effects too. The sudden lack of pain is such a state of bliss!! This sounds similar to some popular phrase about hammer and hitting and all that, but well, you get the point.

Of course, there were other things that quite made my day tonight when I logged in (strange world it be, log in for happiness!!!). OK, that does not sound right at all, but if you get it, good. Otherwise, shut up!! Did I mention that it rained today, again. To go and have a cup of tea just after, highlight indeed.

Sometimes there are these small signals (not the tea) that are out there which reminds me that good things are coming up on the next curve. And my life is just the way I like it, a ghat section!!

Rare occurrences

There are people who spend lifetimes in the middle of the ocean, over a make shift platform that they call "the rig" trying to find one of the most precious commodities known to man.. Oil!

It's hard to believe how these men and women can stay there for such long times and call it home... Yes, I digress!!

But the moment they hit oil, the moment that black swill rises up from earth's bosom and hits the top of the mast.. that's the moment these guys live for.. While it may not be possible to imagine the kind of happiness or elation they feel, something similar happens to us mortals once in a while.

I got to experience this for once today. I do not know if it will ever happen again and when it did happen, I realized I do not have the right tech to keep a record of it. Took just over 4 years for me to realize that even this facet exists... People sometimes exhibit sides of them that we never knew existed. Well, that it happened in my presence (also) makes me happy.

To more of these and the next time, I'll be ready for a recording....

PS: If this post seems very vague, then I'm not talking about you.

Begin O' Begin, year so new.....

First Sunday of the "new year" at home.... How nice it is to spend it lazily... for as long as it lasts at least. :)

I've often wondered why we long for the laziness that we claim we don't get time for. While in fact, we're lazy most of the time. I, for one, can speak from personal experience. We do put off most things that need to be done, at work and otherwise.

But still, there is that longing for doing nothing. And when we have it, the longing for going out or doing something... Well I have it now, and me likey. :)

To act or not to act!!

I keep thinking about this on and off. Do we truly realise the consequences of our actions? We may see and foresee the short term effects, but most of us (maybe none of us) are able to understand the gravity of it all.

We do and say things without giving it as much a thought as to how it will change things. Change things for ourselves, for others directly and many others indirectly. When you change one thing for yourself, it changes your behaviour towards another person which in turn changes things for someone else that other person deals with and so on.... It's a bloody exponential effect!!

I'm not saying that the "do good and be good" policy is the best way to go about anything because, really, that don't work in life. You can't be "good" to everyone and expect the world to just kneel in front of you or get a red carpet rolled out just for you. The red carpet gets rolled out only to the doors of hell, I tell you.

I'm not sure I can think that far ahead and see how what I do may effect someone else in what way.. I'm not that wise.. If I was, I'd probably be somewhere in the Himalayas deep in meditation or penance. For I have a feeling that when one is enlightened, one would not still want to stay here and live such a life.

I always wonder how it would be if we had a chance to replay what we did and change it. Kind of like a macro or reviewing a document with Tracking. They say change is constant. Imagine what would happen if we had such powers and every change remains in memory. You do not forget what happened the last time before the change... That would lead to frustrate a lot of people...

Ofcourse, I haven't considered the life and death factors in this wild imagination of mine.. too lazy to think up fixes for them bugs..

What then should we or can we do? How the hell should I know!!!! Go figure it out for yourself.. and if you do find the answer, let me know. I'm here and ready poke enough holes in the theory to sink it like a rock.

Greed

What do we get from this one word? More, more and more…….

Its not always materialistic things. No. I strongly disagree. Money, property, bling, attention.... these are not all that we want. We want more than this. We want our lives to mean something. Hell yes!!

But mean what? What is the true meaning of satisfaction? Does that term even mean anything? Of course, it is relative. That much I agree. But does that mean that everything in life is relative? There is no absolute?

We always want something that we don’t have. It’s not need, it’s just want. The insatiable wanting for everything is maddening sometimes. Is there no destination other than death to this want? That cannot be right, can it?

Do we live only to want more, get more and then want some more? Is that all life is? Let’s look at it from my point of view, which simply means cynically.

Let’s take a good honest person. He/ she wants only the best for everyone. Thinks that they have only a few things they need to live on happily. Is fairly satisfied with the way things are. But then, how does this person live on? Only one way. Strive for more.

The struggle for survival is a lie. There is no struggle for survival, only for more. Every human being struggles all their life to get more.

Oh, and for all of those who thought they were good and noble, wake up and smell the coffee. There’s no nobility either. Nobility is just another form of satisfying one’s want to create a perception of goodness. It is the want of being good for “greater purposes”, to try to attain the satisfaction of being a good soul. The noblest of them all is so only because of restraint. There is no man, woman or child created that does not feelings that are against the “noble way” of life. On the contrary, they might have them more than the “mere mortals” who are classified under mediocre. Why?

Think about it. The more restraint one exercises over their feelings, the more the feelings fester within. It grows like the tangles of poison ivy, threatening everything within and around with spite in them. If this bulging sack of misery someday happens to explode and come out of the restraints, which is when the noble are tainted. Lucky are those who pass on before this happens.

What, then, is the ugliest face of greed? Love, I say. Love is what moves mountains and love is what inspires irrational behavior at times. There is no more powerful weapon of greed than love. The devil plays us only because of the greed within. Without greed there’d be no devil and without a devil there’d be no god. Everything comes in pairs.

What do we do about the greed? Nothing. What can you do about your breathing? It’s important to live, no? So live on we shall, with the greed driving us to scale greater heights in life. I can’t think of something that is a counterpart to greed. How can greed have no duality? Or is it that we see duality within the greed and put it under good and bad both? Know not I shall for there is no absolute proof. Faith is all we have. Faith that the greed of goodness will deliver us from evil and unto the heavens.

Pray, that I shall remember that the greed is what helps us live and not let it make me be the cause bringing unto others the bitter gift of misery.

Murphy - Beware......

Ever wondered about Murphy's law? I mean, the mere ideation of the bloody concept itself...

I did. Not that I got anywhere about it, but there are some questions that came up in the process.

Is it possible that there is a law, named after a mortal nonetheless, that is applicable to everything, no matter what?

What the hell was this Murphy fellow doing when he came up/ realized / ideated / conceptualized this?

Did Murphy really exist? Duh!!! How could there be a law if he didn't.....

Did he put this law into material realization just to frustrate fellow humans???

If he came up with something universal, he has to be a genius right? I mean, beyond everyone else... BEYONDER even (if you've seen "Click", you'll know what I'm talking about).

If not, did he have godly powers???

Is there a possibility that he's still alive and around somewhere? In which case I'd like to strangle him just the way Homer strangles Bart.... Why you li'l............

So much for my thoughts on this.... I might have had more if the strangling one had not come up... Totally distracting...

Granted, thou art not

We often take a lot of things for granted. Sometimes conciosuly, sometimes not. Nonetheless, it has an effect on at least one other person.

How does one know when you're taking things for granted?

I don't think there's a definite or scientific way to measure this, but I'm pretty sure that you know you're on the limit when you find no opposition from the other side along with a slight lack of willingness. Of course, this would be the ideal point to stop.

But no. Do we ever recognise this stage? For those of you who do, congratulations. You are wasting a talent. (Presumptous lot that you are ;-)). For those of you who do and have the good sense to stop - bravo. You just saved yourself a whole lot of shit-hitting-the-fan.

But for mere mortals like yours truly, things are not just so simple. It just so happens that 11 times out of 10 (no, I can count alright) I take it beyond design limits. I even manage to push it out of the continegency margin that is always available. I must admit, I have done a fairly large number of times in my lifespan till date. I would be termed as what they call a "repeat offender" if it were ever to be a mapped kind of event.

Why am I writing this?

Because I happened to, once again (surprise surprise), screw up!! And, the best part is that I screwed up over 3 years ago, realised what had gone wrong, tried fixing it last year and still managed to bring the whole damn thing to a point of no return. Well, for now at least.

The funny thing here is that I knew this is how it would end, was braced for it and reached an amicable settlement. That does not mean everything will be bright and flowery from then on, but it's a hope that it'll get there sooner than usual.

Confused? Good. Have more questions per moment than the mind can handle? Very good. At least I got closure. (to whatever extent).

Moral of the story: Even though it might not seem like much now, don't take things for granted. The future, un/fortunately, is riddled with change. Change will affect everything.

Moral of the story for me: Exercise restraint no matter how tempting the opportunity may be. You may have to pay more dearly than you think!!

I will not mourn this loss because I accept it as only a stepping stone to something better.